Thursday, February 23, 2012

Confused...

I guess confused would be an understatement. I'm a little bit hurt, and upset. My little side is quite rambunctious, and like me very impulsive in her decision making. I go little for many different reasons. One of them being as a way to escape my adult life. When you are little you can pretty much do whatever, but the fear of getting in trouble is always there. Even if you get in trouble, your daddy should always still love you. Unconditional love is what I am mainly looking for. That I can be a brat, hit, talk back, throw stuff, but that after my daddy punishes me he will still care for me. Well, that being said I don't know what happened tonight. My daddy and I were playing around. I was hungry, and I wanted to get out of bed. I don't know what came over me, but I just wanted him to pay attention. I started to throw a fit, and I hit him. I got spanked, but I was still being pouty. He said that he had to go to the bathroom, and left. While he was gone,  I took all of his Xbox games off of the shelf. I wanted to stack them up, and make a castle. He came back in the room, and was very upset. He told me to stop, but I didn't want to. Then he said he was over it. I continued acting little, and put them back, but they weren't in the right order he wanted them. He told me to move, but I didn't want to. Then he said he was leaving. I don't know if it's the fact that I was abandoned as a teen, or if it was my borderline again, but I can't take it. It felt like I was really a kid, and my daddy was so mad that he just didn't want to love me anymore. I know this isn't the case. That in all reality I am 23 years old, and I know he loves me, but my little sides feelers were crushed. I curled up with my Jay and hid under my blanket, and cried it out. I'm crying right now as I type this. I don't know what is wrong with me. D was upset, and I can understand that. He really really hurt me though when he said, "You wonder why people get annoyed and quit doing this." Meaning that people quit doing the daddy thing. I cried a little more, but he kept on getting ready to leave. He said he was getting ready to go get some food. I got up, took off my diaper, and started getting dressed. I didn't want him to leave without me. He told me he wanted to talk. I told him my feelers were hurt, but that I would get over it. He kept on asking me to tell him what was wrong. At the moment I honestly didn't know. I felt like a moron for acting like a baby. I can't even explain how shitty I felt. I knew I had to use my coping skills before I really let myself go over the edge. I removed myself from the situation, and distracted myself from the moment. I left and walked around the block. I felt so much better when I came back, but he still wanted to talk. I finally gave in and it just made me feel terrible all over again. I need to respect his boundaries, and understand when it's not fun for him anymore. I just don't understand he drew me a vendiagram. In case you don't know it's that thing with two circles that overlap. The one was my little side, and the other was big me. He said that I should balance the two. Then he drew me at the moment, where the little side completely covered the big side. That is exactly how it is for me though. My little side just takes over. That is how I escape! Once again though I don't know if this could also all be going back to the issue of my borderline, and seeing things as black and white. Either I'm big or I'm little. There is never any grey with me.... Oh well... I'll try to figure it out. If anyone has any advice for either of us it would be greatly appreciated. Ouch, I just feel like a dumb ass now. Grrr I hate me sometimes. Why can't I just be freakin normal?????

It's been awhile..


Dodger and I pretending to be gangster...lol
Kat and I had fun tying Dodger's shoes together!
  Well, I went to a munch in Colorado Springs last week, and met a lot of cool people. Hopefully we can get a more organized group of Ageplayers in Colorado. I would like to see more of the younger people in the Denver area get together. I'm sure we could have lots of fun. We live in an amazing city, and there is always so much to do inside and out. Kat from diaperedkitten is having a munch soon at her house. I really can't wait for that one.
   I was looking around online, and came across a site called pajamacity.com They sell footed jammies for so much cheaper than other places I've seen. I saw some pairs on their sale page for 14 dollars! That's craziness!
  My Daddy is off for the next few days, so hopefully we will do something fun. Casa Bonita, Toys R Us, The Zoo....so many things I can think of to do. I wish my daddy had more time off work :(

Friday, February 17, 2012

Today...Blah

  Today kind of sucked. I have a super bad headache. The zoo really didn't happen, but I guess that was okay because it was cold as fuck outside. We were going to go see a movie, but now it's snowing, and my head feels like crap. Owww what is going on????

Thursday, February 16, 2012

OMG I'M SOOO BORED!

Wow today has been boring. My daddy got a new laptop, so he has been messing with that for awhile. I'm little once again and don't know what to do. We are going to try to go to the zoo tomorrow. That will be fun. I miss seeing all the cool animals, and daddy promised me icecream...YUMMY! I'll take lots of pictures. For now I am just bored!!!!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

A Great Valentine's Day

   This was the first year I was able to spend Valentine's Day with my daddy, and it was amazing! We went to Boulder, and walked around the Pearl Street Mall. Daddy took me to get ice cream, and I had the bestest cone ever. I was wearing a pretty thick diaper under my skirt, and by the time we got home I was a mess. Daddy let me play, and make him a super cool card.(It's an Owl)Then he cleaned me up cuz he is a good daddy. Today was the best Valentines Day ever!

Friday, February 10, 2012

Ice Cream for Breakfast

I must say the most awesome thing about not being a little girl, is eating ice cream for breakfast. Yum!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Hi My Name Is Lolly and I'm Addicted to Ice Coffee

    Seriously I think I have an addiction. Every time I see cold coffee I need it. I'm a caffeine junkie. Im trying to cut out the Mt Dew from my diet...Lets see how long I can make that last. I love juice, so I'm going to try to substitute that in.
   On a more serious note. I thought about giving up my little side last night. I really had to think if I could just be a normal adult. I would get rid of all my kids clothes, my toys, crayons....I would have so much room. Geez Lolly takes up a bunch of space! I would just be blah and normal. It doesn't sound very fun. So, I came to a conclusion..my daddy loves that part of me, I love that part of me, and it is who I am. Getting rid of all the stuff would only make Lolly go away for a few days. Then she would be back again wondering why i gave away all her super cool stuff. So, I will just let my little side play as she wants to. My big side just goes along for the ride..lol

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Kinda Creepy

Lol It's a cult!!! They came to my blog...weird and very creepy. Kinda funny since none of what they say is true. Except for the fact that I was willing to inflict bodily harm on the dumb bitches. That was definitely true. Whatever...I just don't like to play nice. I don't know how my daddy keeps on getting dragged into all of this. He seriously was pissed that I even said anything to them. He is so nice about everything. People can treat him like shit, but he will be completely cool with them. That's just the kind of person he is.
     Anyway, the point of even posting this is that this is a journal for me. This is where I post my thoughts and feelings. If you don't like me don't read my blog. I don't go playing stalker on any of those peoples shit. I want to be left alone. Just let it go. I got my feelings out, and I'm over it. Stop sending the flying monkies!!!

Monday, February 6, 2012

The Diaper Group where they don't discuss diapers????

     So, recently I've been in an ongoing battle with the group"Young Ageplayers 18-35" on fetlife. I went in there thinking, "Oh cool, some normal people that ageplay." I came out with a seriously fucked up outlook on the group as a whole. It is set up by a bunch of girls that are really bitchy. I don't see how in a fetish like this that they think they are better than anyone else. I mean this is a group that will rip you a new one for mentioning diapers. If they don't want to talk about it they should get facebook accounts. This stupid girl starts a thread whining about how someone is stealing her pics and putting them on a tumblr account. She is upset even though she steals peoples pics and does the exact same thing. Then someone suggested watermarking your photos. She said that they could edit it out. The person said to do a big fuck you across them like mine. She then called me paranoid and said I shouldn't even post pics cuz it takes away from them. I went off ....Its been going on ever since. I think it has finally died down some, but it still pisses me off. I really hate those bitches. The sad thing is that they are just jealous. Most of them are actually not that pretty. Good thing they are good at myspace angles. Not to mention their ugly insides to match what they have on the outside.
     Now that I got that out of my system I can move on...lol I'm going to a munch on the 18th in Colorado Springs. My new friend Jarod is going to take us. I'm super excited to meet more new people.

*I deleted the fat statement because it was mean. In my defense though. I was called fat first...by one of the monkeys

Friday, February 3, 2012